Foster’s Porn Story: Fosters Goes To Hell Chapter 1

Foster’s Goes To Hell

by chicken person

Author’s Note: The sequel to DARE. This one’s dumber and more pointless than the first one! Not much else to say, except thanks, everyone who reviewed DARE! Greatly appreciated! And, behold: The latest and greatest (well, maybe not greatest) Foster’s fanfic from Chicken Person!

Warnings: Language (duh! You should know me by now!), Character deaths (but they come back, you’ll see!), Drugs, Hell, Violence, Sexual perversion. WARNING: Advised not to drink anything while reading. You might spit it on the computer screen.

Disclaimer: I do not own FHFIF. If I did, I would be filthy fucking rich. Bloo will not tease fatty. Cheese will not xerox his butt. I STILL won’t spike Herriman’s carrot juice with vodka.

The residents of Foster’s Home For Imaginary Friends were all having a pretty normal day. Well, everyone except Frankie, Bloo, Cheese, Eduardo, Coco and Wilt. Last night, they all got piss drunk and high and drove the Foster’s bus into a wall at one-hundred and ten mph. Frankie was on probation. Cheese was to be put in quarantine next week. Bloo, Coco, Eduardo and Wilt now have to go to drug rehab every Thursday at 8 p.m. Wilt volunteered to do community service. Mac & Goo had also been with them when they “stole” the bus. Mac was also under probation and had to see a psycologist. Goo was to be put in quarantine in a month.

Frankie was sweeping up the floor in the kitchen. Eduardo and Wilt were helping her. Coco, Bloo, and Cheese were on the couch in the parlor watching Spike TV. Bloo had the remote and was going through every channel. Everyone had bad hangovers. Then the doorbell rang. “FRANKIE!” screamed Bloo. “Get the door! I’m too tired!”

Frankie went into the parlor and held a broom up over her head like a weapon. “You get it, Blob Boy! I still have a fucking headache! And I got my license taken away until I’m twenty-nine!”

“But I don’t care!” Bloo said. “Get out of the way, I can’t see the TV!”

Frankie cracked Bloo over the head with the broom, breaking it in half. Cheese thought this was the funniest thing in the world. He was laughing his ass off.

“You think that’s funny, bitch?” Frankie asked, angrily. “I’ll shove this broom up your ass!” Cheese was instantly quiet. Coco kicked him.

“Coco! Co cococococo coco co coco coco co!” Coco yelled at the retarded friend. Which meant, “Be quiet, or else I’ll shove a pitchfork up your ass!” Coco could get a pitchfork really easily. She could just lay an egg with one in it. Convenient, eh?

“You want laxatives?” asked Cheese.

“Co?” asked Coco.

“Yes, laxatives!” said Cheese proudly. “To get big stick out of your ass! Hahahahahahahahaha!” Cheese rolled off the couch and onto the floor, laughing. Coco bared her teeth and picked Cheese up with her beak. She walked over to the nearest window and dropped him out. It didn’t help that they were on the fifth floor. Coco stuck her head out the window and watched Cheese fall… into a dumpster. Coco’s evil smile faded when she realized that Cheese had completely stopped laughing. “Co co.” (Oh Shit.)

“What?” asked Frankie, ignoring the doorbell. She walked over to the window and looked down into the dumpster, then at Coco in horror. “Coco! Did you just.. just… kill Cheese?”

Coco smiled evilly and nodded. “Co!”

“Why?” asked Frankie. “Sure, he was stupid, and smelled like ass and pot, and was annoying, but, why’d you kill him?”

“Co coco co co!” Coco gave Frankie a sorry look. (I didn’t mean to!)

“Whatever,” Frankie patted Coco on the head, then went downstairs to answer the door.

It was Mac and Goo. Mac still had an ice pack on his forehead, and Goo was jumping up and down behind him. “Where’s Bloo?” asked Mac, obviously very, very pissed off.

“In the parlor,” answered Frankie. “Whoa!” She looked at Goo. Goo was in a straight jacket. “What the hell?”

“My mommy and daddy said that I’d be better with it,” Goo explained. “And I can’t get the stupid thing off! Get it off! It’s killing me!” Goo ran into the house, and ran up the stairs, knocking Mac over.

Mac fell down the stairs. “Goo!” he screamed. “You dumbass! Watch where you’re going!” He landed at the bottom of the stairs in a heap.

“Oh my God!” said Frankie, rushing over to Mac to help him up. “That psyco bitch!”

“You’re telling me!” Mac said, angrily.

Bloo looked down the small flight of stairs at his creator. “MAC!” Bloo said happily. “Catch me!”

Mac looked up in horror. “NO! Don’t you dare! I’m still in pain from that crash! No! Stop!”

Too late. Bloo jumped down the stairs and flew right into Mac, sending him flying out the front door. They finally stopped tumbling at the end of the driveway. A car stopped and threw a bag out the window. Bloo’s face lit up. “MORE POT!” he screamed and opened the bag. It was full of pot. Deja Vu.

“NO!” Mac ripped the bag out of Bloo’s hands. “Not again! No! Never! We’re taking this to Frankie and that’s final!” He grabbed Bloo by his hand and pulled him into the mansion.

“Mac!” Bloo said. “You SUCK! Ha!”

Mac raised one eyebrow in confusion. “Bloo. That was so random, it was scary.”

“So?” asked Bloo. Mac sighed. How he got stuck with Bloo, he had no idea.

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Cheese landed in a very hot, very firey place. The pits of Hell. Cheese laughed. “Coco is so FUNNY.” He got up and walked around. After a while, he said to himself, “I miss Bloo, and Mac. I like chocolate milk! And I miss the weed.” The dunce walked up to what appeared to be a giant piece of shit. “I am Cheese!”

“Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiddddddddddddddddddddddyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy Hooooooooooooooooooooooo!” said the piece of shit. It was Mr. Hankey.

“You smell like doo,” stated Cheese.

This offended Mr. Hankey. So he hit Cheese in the face and ran away. Then Cheese continued to explore. Then he found none other than Saddam Hussein. “Oh My God!” screamed Cheese. “It’s Saddam! Run! That bastard!”

Saddam went up to Cheese and said, “Hey! You’re not very nice! I’m telling Satan on you!”

“I pooted,” said Cheese.

Saddam left and came back five minutes later with Satan. “Satan,” said the bastard, “this buttwipe was making fun of me!”

Satan looked at Cheese and picked him up with one hand like he was something disgusting. “This?” he asked. “This made fun of you?” Saddam nodded. “Nuh uh. I don’t believe it. He’s dumb as hell. Oh, look! A pun! He’s dumb and he’s in hell! Ha!” He dropped Cheese.

“Diemuthafucka!” said Cheese as he bit Satan’s leg and would not let go.

Satan screamed and ran around in circles while Saddam chased him and tried to get Cheese off.

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Frankie pulled as hard as she could on Goo’s straight jacket. The damned thing wouldn’t come off. Goo wined in discomfort. “IT HURTS!” she screamed.

“Look, you little shit,” said Frankie, “You’d better be glad I’m helping you at all. I still have a hangover, in case you haven’t noticed.”

Coco walked casually past the two girls. “Coco!” Coco laid an egg and a knife came out.

Frankie picked up the knife and attempted to cut the straight jacket in half. “Goo, hold still–“

Goo turned around, “What are you doing?”

Frankie slipped and accidently cut Goo’s shoulder. “Oops! I’m so sorry!”

Goo screamed out in pain. “You bitch! You vile bitch!” she yelled.

“What is your deal?” asked Frankie. “I said I was sorry!”

The little girl hit Frankie across the face and screamed at the top of her voice, “NOW YOU’RE THE WILDEBEAST!” Then Goo ran out of the room, laughing maniacally.

Frankie was pissed. She shook her head and ran off after Goo at top speed. “GET THE FUCK BACK HERE!” screamed the angry redhead. “I WILL END YOU! NOW GET THE FUCK BACK HERE!” Frankie ran down a few hallways and sets of stairs, until she came to the staircase in the main entrance hall. “NOT AGAIN!”

Mac, Bloo, and Goo were smoking weed. Again. There was a gigantic cloud of smoke above their heads. Mac looked reluctant, but happy and pleased with himself, all at the same time. “Great idea, Bloo,” said Goo, insanely stoned. “Heh heh heh…” The girl blew a cloud of smoke and smiled.

Bloo saw Frankie and asked, “Wanna smoke, Frankie? They’re gooooooooooooooooooooooood.” Bloo took a long drag on the many joints sticking out of his mouth and his eyes rolled back in his head. “Ooooooohhhhhhh, maaaaaaaan…”

This was not good. Not good at all.

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While Cheese was torturing Satan in hell, Frankie was trying to end Goo, and Mac and Bloo were smoking weed, Coco was having a little adventure of her own. Coco had sneaked into Frankie’s room and stole the keys to the Foster’s bus. Coco had always wanted to drive. Driving last night was not enough. She had to drive more. An evil smile formed on the imaginary friend’s face as she headed quietly out of the room and down a set of stairs. Coco left the house through the back door, completely unnoticed.

“Coco,” she said as she looked at the bus like it was Jesus or something. Her eyes widened in anticipation. She was going to steal the bus. Coco wanted to drive. No, want wasn’t good enough… Coco needed to drive. The bird/plant/plane got in the bus and tried to start it up.

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Frankie’s left eye twitched. Mac, Goo, and Bloo were smoking fucking pot. Again. Frankie wanted to know who the hell was throwing bags of weed in the driveway. She would end them, too. But first, Goo had to go. And Bloo for smoking. Mac didn’t really do anything… yet. “Guys, put out the fucking joints and get your asses up here!” the hungover caretaker screamed in irritation.

“You come ‘ere!” Bloo said, high as hell.

“No, you come ‘ere!” Frankie yelled back.

“No, tootse,” said Bloo, “you get your sexy ass down here, so I can fuck you.”

Mac and Goo stared at Bloo in surprise. “Bloo,” said Mac, “I know this shit’s got us fucked up, but that was too fucked up.”

Goo laughed, causing several joints to fall out of her mouth. “She’s gonna kick your a-ass! She’s gonna kick your a-ass!” Goo cried in a sing-song voice.

“THAT’S IT!” screamed Frankie. “I WILL END YOU! ALL OF YOU! ESPECIALLY YOU, BLOO! YOU BROUGHT POT IN THIS HOUSE! NO I WILL NOT FUCK YOU BECAUSE THAT’S JUST WRONG!”

“Why?” asked Bloo, blowing a ring of smoke, and flicking his ashes on the floor.

“BECAUSE I’M GONNA KICK YOUR ASS!” screamed Frankie, pulling the knife Coco laid earlier out of her pocket and holding it above her head with both hands. Bloo, Goo, and Mac’s jaws dropped. They were gone. Well, Bloo was anyway. The joints fell out of their open mouths and onto the floor in a pile. Frankie laughed maniacally and bounded down the stairs.

“I WILL END YOU ALL!” she screamed, probably lost most of her mind by now. “HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO SAY IT? I WILL END–” The crazed woman tripped over her shoelace and fell forward. She tumbled down the stairs and collided hard with the three potheads. The four slammed into the front door and made it burst open because of the amount of force. They rolled into the driveway, fighting with one-another.

“HA HA HA HA!” Frankie laughed, waving the fucking knife around in the air. “I’m number ooooooooooooonnnnnnnnnnnneeeeee!”

Then they noticed something red on the knife. It was blood. Bloo’s blood. Mac and Goo’s jaws dropped and they stared Frankie in horror.

“Oh shit.” Said Frankie.

“Oh my God!” shouted Goo. “You killed Bloo!”

“You bastard!” shouted Mac. He turned to Goo in confusion and asked, “Wait a minute, since Frankie’s a chick, she’d be a bitch, right? ‘Cause dudes can only be bastards, right?”

Goo shrugged. “I don’t know. But I think you’re right. So you should’ve said, ‘you bitch.’ I’m confused!”

“Okay, let’s try this again,” said Mac. Frankie clapped a hand to her forehead in pity of the two children.

“Oh my God!” shouted Goo, for the second time. “You killed Bloo!”

“You bitch!” shouted Mac.

Little did they know, that Coco had finally started the bus. And floored the gas pedal. Mac, Goo and Frankie heard the bus start up. And turned around and screamed.

“COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Coco screamed. She had really good karma. Actually, no she didn’t. She had managed to kill three people and one imaginary friend all in one day, along with herself. Coco ran over Frankie, Mac, and Goo, and Bloo’s body. Then she flew through the windshield and hit her head on a big rock.

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Coco, Frankie, Goo, and Mac all fell into darkness. They fell for what seemed like hours. Then finally, they hit ground. Yep, they were in hell. Bloo was already there, with more weed.

“I was waiting for you guys!” Bloo said, rolling up a joint. “This place sucks and blows! Saddam’s here! And Satan’s a freakin’ pussy! He’s getting killed by Cheese!”

“Wait,” said Mac, rubbing his head in pain, “Cheese is here?”

Frankie shook her head. “Yeah, Coco threw him out a window earlier. I forgot why, so don’t ask.”

Coco flashed Mac an evil grin. “Co!”

Satan ran past, with Cheese still latched onto his leg. Saddam was behind him poking Cheese with a pitchfork. “Get him OFF!” screamed Satan.

Then Cheese saw Bloo and the gang. He let go of Satan and ran over to the group. “Hi!” he said, hugging Bloo. “Now we can be brother ladies IN HELL!”

“Dude, get the hell off!” Bloo said, pushing Cheese off of him.

Cheese turned to Mac. “Can I have some mary-jane?” he asked.

“Um, Cheese,” said Mac, “the marijauna is Bloo’s.”

“Oh,” said Cheese, turning to Bloo. “My sorries. Brother Lady in Hell, can I have some weed?”

“Get your own!” Bloo turned away from Cheese, who continuously tried to get the weed from him.

About five minutes later, everyone stopped fighting and stared at someone walking past them. It was Rouge. Frankie’s room-mate in college. Rouge saw Frankie and walked up to her. “Frankie,” she said, “can you actually believe that I went to hell? I mean, what the fuck’s up with that?”

Frankie gave Rouge a matter-of-fact look. “Rouge,” she said, “you smoked pot, like, all the time; fucked your boyfriend almost every other day; robbed numerous gasstations; and had five bongs in our dorm room.” Rouge blinked, stupidly. “Of course you went to hell! Come on! You can’t be that stupid!”

“God, I was horrible!” said Rouge. “I really should burn in–” Rouge went dead silent all of a sudden. “Oh my God! It’s Chicken Person’s step-mother!“

Then my step-mother walked past the group. “Why are you sssssssssssssssssssstaring at me?” she asked. We’re gonna call her the Soul Eater. Why? Cause that’s what me and my best friend call her.

She had horns, a pitchfork, was red, had a goatee, and a forked tongue, and she hissed like a snake. What would they not be staring at?

Cheese growled at her and knocked her off of a cliff. Cheese laughed. “Pretty Cheese does author’s bidding!” he said.

“Curssssssssssssesssssssssssss!” said the Soul Eater as she was engulfed by flames.

“God, she’s a bitch,” said Bloo. He walked to the edge of the cliff and screamed, “Oh yeah? You want some laxatives so that tree’ll fall out of yo ass?” He spit off the cliff and did a dance.

Coco was laying eggs like crazy because she was bored. Goo was talking to Mr. Hankey, making him want to commit suicide. Mac was trying to get Goo to shut up. Frankie was trying to explain to Rouge why she was in hell, which was way too obvious.

“Why did those kids come to hell?” asked Rouge, pointing to Mac and Goo.

“They smoked pot,” said Frankie, “but that’s not the point! We need to get out of here! We shouldn’t be dead yet!”

Bloo was staring in horror at a figure coming towards them. “Oh my God!” he said, getting everyone’s attention. “Is it? It is! The Mega-Bitch! Let me at him!” He was talking about Goofball.

Goofball ran up to Bloo and flicked him in the forehead. “Hey, buddy,” he said, “how’d you get here?”

“Go to hell, McGee,” said Bloo.

Mac went over to Bloo and put a hand on his shoulder. “Bloo, I hate to burst your bubble and all, but he can’t go to hell.”

“Why?” asked Bloo.

“Because he’s already here,” replied Mac.

Then Goofball went up to Frankie and smiled. “Didja miss me?” he asked.

“No!” Frankie screamed.

Goofball hugged her. “Okaaay,” said Rouge, backing up, “yeah, I’m outta here. That guy’s too fuckin’ weird.” Rouge disappeared into the flames.

Frankie shoved Goofball off of her. “Don’t touch me!”

“Okay!” said Goofball as he hugged her once more, grabbing her ass this time.

Frankie punched him in the face. “GET THE FUCK OFF! I WILL END YOU!”

“God, Frankie!” said Goo, finally leaving the Christmas Poo alone, who ran off in tears. “How many times are you gonna say that? You’ve like said it like a million gazillion times today! I mean, my God! You’ve said that more times than Bloo’s said fuck! Well, maybe not! No, Bloo didn’t say fuck that much! Oh! That reminds me! There was this one guy on the internet! And he was like trying to film his cat jumping off something! And he kept telling the cat that he would end it!” Goo smiled.

Goofball stumbled blindly into a pillar, knocking it over, causing it to squish Bloo. Then Goofball fell off a cliff. Bloo pulled himself out from underneath the pillar. “My head!” he cried, rubbing his pained head. “The Mega-Bitch squashed my head! The bitch! He squashed my head! The evil one reigns supreme!” Blooregard Q. Kazoo was still high as a motherfucker. The blob shook his head. Then he got a brilliant idea. Hell was boring, so he decided to liven things up a bit. Bloo layed down and scooted across the ground, face up. He scooted towards Frankie, until his head was between her feet. “You suck!” he said. “You’re wearing underwear! Where’s the fun in that?”

Frankie screamed and stomped on Bloo’s stomach. “NO! Get back! Don’t come near me, you pervert!” She ran over to Mac and crouched behind him, trying to hide from Bloo, which didn’t work because she was still taller than Mac.

“Bloo!” said Mac, smacking Bloo in the face. “What the hell did you do that for? Fucking bastard!”

“But Ma-ac!” said Bloo. “I’m stoned and hell is BORING! I wanna go home!”

“Coco co co cococococ co,” said Coco, translating to: We can’t. We were evil people in our lives and we died so we were condemned to hell.

Satan and Saddam came over to the group. Satan shoveled up Cheese with his pitchfork and held him in front of Mac. “Is this yours?” asked the devil.

Mac nodded. “Well, actually, he’s not mine but he’s my friend.”

Satan dumped Cheese on Mac’s head. “Take this with you! And go back to Earth! I can’t stand the little fucker!”

“I’m a lady! Pretty Cheese!” Cheese licked Saddam in the face and turned green. “Yuck! Saddam tastes baaaaadddd!” Saddam started crying. Satan gave Cheese a look of pure hatred and then pointed his pitchfork at the group. “Be gone! Go back to Earth! You have all bothered me enough!”

“Bye, Mr. Hankey!” Goo said, waving to Mr. Hankey, who waved back. Goo turned to Satan and Saddam. “You ssssssssuck nuts!” she said. “You guys are so gay! You guys are retarded! Now I have to go home and bathe in holy water!”

Satan muttered something and a beam shot out of his pitchfork. He had zapped the gang back to Foster’s. Bloo smiled and jumped up and down in happiness. “Booyah!” he said. “Man, I’m never smoking again! If you go to hell for it, then hell no! Hell’s boring as hell!”

“Bloo,” said Mac, “you scare me sometimes.”

Frankie hugged Mac, Bloo, and Goo and picked them all up at the same time. “I’m sorry for wanting to end you guys! I’ll be nicer, I swear! Even if I am hungover! No, I just won’t get hungover ever again!”

Cheese looked at Coco and picked up a dandelion. “Will you marry Cheese?” he asked.

Coco pecked him in the head. “Co CO!” she screamed and stomped into Foster’s. (She told him Hell No!)

“Cheese is heart-broken,” said Cheese. Then he saw an anthill. “Oh, lookie! Ants!” He proceeded in watching the ants.

“I guess we like learned a lesson or something,” said Goo.

“Yep,” agreed Mac.

“We did?” asked Bloo.

“Yeah,” said Frankie, “don’t smoke, drink, steal the bus, say you’re gonna end someone, or drop Cheese out the window.”

“Oooooh.” Bloo said. “Okay. I’m gonna go play Tony Hawk.” Then he went into the house. Goo, Mac, and Frankie followed.

Did they really learn this time? Hell no!

Author’s Note: Okay, I’m sorry if it sucked! But sequels are never as good as the original. Oh, well. This one’s funny, too. Some of the ideas I got from the movie “Drop Dead Fred.” It’s about this chick’s imaginary friend coming back when she’s like twenty. If you haven’t seen it, you should, it’s funny as hell! Thanks for reading. Drop a review if you like.

CP