Foster’s Porn Story: The Sorceror of Fos Chapter 1
The Wonderful Sorceror of Fos
by K. Fred Bemm
Mac lived in the midst of the great Kansas prairies, with his mother, a farmer and…
“Hey, wait a second!” said Mac, “I don’t live in Kansas! I live in an apartment! And my mom’s not a farmer!”
Tough. This isn’t the show, it’s a parody using characters from the show. Anyway, Mac lived in Kansas with his mother and his imagianry friend, Coco…
“Coco’s my imaginary friend? Why?”
“Co co co co!”
Coco sounds like Toto, get it?
“Aw geez, I hate these parodies! And why am I playing a role that was originally meant for a girl? Taxi!”
A taxi appeared out of nowhere and Mac and Coco got in.
“Where to, mac?”
“To Foster’s Home for Imaginary Friends, the show I’m supposed to be in!”
Unfortuneately, the taxi didn’t take Mac to his show, but to the magical land of Fos, so this parody could continue.
“OK, this has gone on long en…woah.”
Mac was actually taken aback by the majestic splendour of the land the taxi driver had taken him to; the sun was brighter than it could ever be in his world, the flowers climbed slowly towards the azure sky, the grass was green and plentiful.
But he still had to get out of here.
When he turned around though, the taxi driver had gone. Mac leapt out of the vehicle to see hundreds of little gnomes worshipping the taxi driver as their new god.
“Oh, almighty taxi driver who was sent to us from a higher power, you have run over the Wicked Witch of the East and thus you must become our ruler.” The gnomes placed the taxi driver on a jewel-adorned throne, making him sit there while they carved wooden idols in his honour.
“Well, I find that extremely sacreligious.”
Mac was surprised to hear a female voice behind him, not because he hadn’t heard it before, but because it sounded so familiar.
“Who said that?”
“I did.”
Mac knew that voice couldn’t have come from one of the gnomes as they were too busy obsessing over the taxi driver. Wait, was it Coco?
“Coco?”
“Yes, Mac.” Mac found it somewhat uncomfortable to be hearing English words while Coco’s mouth was moving. “Being in a magical fantasy world has given me the ability to speak proper English. Now the readers can understand me and listen to my views on life!”
Just as Coco was about to continue, a glowing bubble descended from the air and became Madam Foster, now donning silver apparel.
“Madam Foster?”
“Yes, that’s right, young Mac, I’m playing my part in this parody too! I’m the Good Witch of the North and I’m here to tell you that if you want this story to end, you must go down the Tartan Brick Road and see the Wonderful Sorceror of Fos!”
Mac rolled his eyes. “Come on, Coco, let’s get this over with.”
“Of course,” said Coco, “and on our way, you can listen to why I think America as a society is falling apart!”
“How about, no?”
As Mac and Coco walked away from the village of the gnomes and Madam Foster, a giant blast of smoke and fire erupted in front of them. The smoke cleared, revealing no other than Duchess Persnickity the First Last and Only, wearing a black robe and a black peaked hat.
“Who killed my sister? Who killed the Witch of the East? Was it you?”
“No, it was the taxi driver.”
“Well, I’m gong to antagonise you anyway becasuse I don’t like your face!”
“Hey! I’m supposed to be the villain of this here parody!”
Mac, Coco and Duchess were thus approached by what looked like Terrance with a scraggly white beard, which almost made him look like Santa Claus.
Duchess sighed. “And who are you?”
“I am Terrance the Terrible, King of the Nomes! And since I’m a king, I’m instantly a better villain, so this mouldy old windbag should just hop on her broomstick, leaving me to antagonise these two little morons!”
“You’re the better villain? Ha! I bet your character doesn’t have a book by Gregory Maguire!”
“Well, I don’t read books, so there!”
Mac and Coco silently slipped away while the two antagonists were arguing, just so they could continue with their adventure, and Coco could continue her ramblings.
“And another thing…is that Wilt?”
“Excuse me, I don’t mean to be a bother, but could you get me down from here?”
Wilt was tied to a cross-shaped construct of wood by some tight string which let him hang high above a cornfield.
“Let me help,” said Coco as she laid a plastic egg, which cracked open to reveal a step-ladder. Mac grabbed the step-ladder, climbed it and helped Wilt undo the string that hung him to the wood.
“Thanks, Mac, I owe you one.”
“OK, could you join us on our journey to see the sorceror, as that’s how the original story went?”
“Sure, Mac, I’ll try not to slow you down.”
As Wilt joined the merry party, Bloo suddenly appeared, only he was made out of tin.
“I don’t believe this! One minute, I’m lounging around watching TV, and next thing you know, I’m a robot! At least it got rid of the itch on my back!”
Coco laughed. “Doesn’t anyone else find it humourously ironic that Bloo is the heartless tin man when on the show, he is figuratively heartless?”
“And now Coco speaks English,” said Bloo, “It’s times like this I think I’m going mad.”
“Prepare to die!”
Duchess leapt from the sky, surprising the four friends.
“I’ll prove I’m the better villain, by doing this!” She shot a fireball from her claw, and set Wilt’s foot on fire, causing him to leap around the tartan brick road madly. Terrance then appeared behind her.
“You think you’re so hot, when you’re…um..not hot! Look at this!”
Terrance lifted his shirt, revealing a strange belt with a spherical crystal buckle. He pressed the buckle as if it were a button and Wilt transformed into an ornament.
“See? I’m the better villain!”
“AAAH! You no hurt my amigos!”
Eduardo darted out of a nearby forest and knocked Terrance and Duchess over on their faces. As Eduardo knocked Terrance over, Terrance’s belt broke, thus turning Wilt back to normal.
“Hey, thanks!”
“No problem! Anyway, I want to join you, perhaps the sorceror could give me some courage?”
Bloo chuckled. “Of course! I mean, you need courage by the bucketload!”
“Actually,” said Mac, “we’re not after courage, nor are we after brains or hearts. We’re going to the sorceror so the parody can end and we can all go home.”
“Why go home?” said Coco, “I’ll lose my new linguistic powers! And besides, I think our show’s beginning to jump the shark…”
“Coco! The sooner we stop you talking, the better!”
“But don’t the audience want to hear why I think current Hollywood movies are going downhill?”
“No, they don’t, let’s focus on seeing the sorceror!”
Mac, Bloo, Wilt, Eduardo and Coco walked down the tartan brick road, until they came across a large field of poppies blocking their path.
“Well, what are waiting for?” asked Bloo, “Let’s go!”
Mac sighed. “Um, in the original, the poppies make you fall asleep! We need to find a way around them.”
“Hey, look!”
Wilt pointed to a Mr. Herriman made out of metal, with a gigantic wind-up screw on his back. WIlt wound up the screw, bringing the metal Mr. Herriman to life.
“Hello, dear friends,” he said, “The writer was struggling to think of a way I could be introduced into this story so I’m here to help you. In this parody, I am not alive, so the poppies can’t lull me to sleep.” Mr. Herriman grabbed a knife from his pocket and hacked away at the poppies, forming a more clear path.
“Thanks, Mr H,” said Wilt.
“Oh yes, and since Madam Coco now has the abilty to speak, is it alright if she is left here so we can have a conversation?”
Coco’s eyes lit up. “You’re actually willing to listen to my rambling views on life?”
“But of course.”
The company left her to chat with Herriman, while they continued down the road, until they came across a magnificent city made of emeralds. Mac knocked on the giant door leading to the city and Berry came out of a nearby door.
“Oh, I’m sorry,” she said in a sweet voice, “you can’t see the sorceror,” then she yelled angrily, “NOT NO WAY NOT NOHOW!“
The company groaned.
“Unless,” she said, “you introduce me to that handsome tin friend of yours.”
“Aw, man.”
“Come on, Bloo,” said Mac, “you want this whole thing over, don’t you?”
“Fine.”
Bloo was left with Berry, while Mac, Wilt and Eduardo went to the Sorcerpr’s castle.
“Me scared. What if the Sorceror is a big, scary monster?”
“Don’t worry, Ed, we’re here for you,” said Wilt.
“Just think, this parody will be over in a matter of minutes.”
The three friends stepped into a room, where a large, green flying head was waiting for them.
“AAGH BIG SCARY HEAD!”
“I am the all powerful Sorceror of Fos!”
Mac sighed and walked over to a nearby curtain. He drew the curtains open, revealing that the sorceror was, in fact, a man- Ben E Factor to be precise – working a machine.
“I am a big, scary sorceror and if you don’t do as I say – um, pay no attention to that handsome, intelligent and honest man behind the curtain.”
“OK,” said Mac, “we exposed the sorceror as a fake. Now can we go home?”
Frankie appeared, dressed in white witch clothes.
“Hi Mac, I’m supposed to be the Good Witch of the South, telling you how to end this story. OK, you need to do two things – one, defeat the bad guys.”
Duchess and Terrance appeared in the room.
Frankie threw water at Duchess.
“AAH! My make-up! It’s ruined! Ruined!”
Frankie gave Terrance an egg.
“AAH! I hate eggs! They’re good for you! The horror!”
“Two, tap your silver shoes together three times and say ‘There’s no place like home’.”
“But I didn’t get the silver shoes, though.”
“Well, just tap your shoes anyway.”
Mac tapped his shoes three times, and said “There’s no place like home”, and he was right in Foster’s, with his friends turned back to normal.
“Whoo!” said Bloo, “And to think, Wizard of Oz used to be one of my favourite movies.”
Mr Herriamn came up to him and said, “Frankly, Master Blooregard, I prefer the book.”
Bloo’s eyes bulged. “The Wizard of Oz…was originally a book?”
“Yes. The author wrote fourteen of them, I believe.”
Bloo screamed. “Everything I know is a lie!”
THE END